Being Out With My Family

+ My Dad's side of the family pretty much consists of:

 Liz my sMom
 Adam my sBro
 All of Liz's family
 Kayla my sister
 Steve her partner
 and Rosalea my niece

And they ALL know about me being transgender. My step aunt called me and congratulated me over the phone. I fucking love her.

As for my mom?
 It's pretty much her. She told me she talked to my aunt about it back when I came out to her, to ask for advice on whether she should tell her husband about it. The answer was NO of course, but mom later told me she DID tell her husband. But I say 'just my mom' because she is as always a slinky spineless homebody who is only good at one thing in life - IGNORING EVERYTHING. I will get back to that later.

I'm lucky with my dad and sMom because everyone in their family is LGBTQIA friendly. I owe a lot of that to my cousin who came out ten or so years ago. When he did, he ended up with a crazy awesome rainbow flag waving mother - much like Michael's mom in QAF. That really opened the door for everyone else and now they're all pretty chill.

My mom's side of the family are Christians and Catholics. The worst kind too - narrowminded singly driven bible thumping creatures that bottle away everything that doesn't fit in their perfect religious vision and they overuse the term "blacksheep" when referring to family members who went against the grain. That doesn't happen TOO often of course, because as I've said, they ignore bad stuff. It makes life simpler.

Now, back to my mom and her being pretty much the only one in her family who knows about me... well, she said she talked to my aunt, but she also said she talked to her husband. And I just found out today that Derp face Jerry only knows about my name change. THIS is where I did the most extreme eyeroll in existance. HE'S UPSET AND DOESN'T WANT ME OVER OR WANT TO TALK ABOUT ME BECAUSE I'M GETTING MY NAME CHANGED. Big - ass - lol time people. So, that pretty much tells me what she told my aunt. Why do I know this? Because she also told me that she's changing her Will to include my new name but also another ammendment that says she doesn't want a service. WHY doesn't she want a service? Why, because she doesn't want to "upset her family" because they don't know about me. I might have sounded more than a little angry, but it wasn't for the reason you might think. I wasn't mad that she hadn't talked to anyone on her side of the family, or at the fact she immediately changed her wording and said she didn't want my feelings to be hurt by them - I was mad because she wants to avoid a funeral all together because of ME. I told her that was crazy and that she needed to stop living for other people and to make decisions that would make her happy. I don't give a flying rat's ass if her family hate me. I don't want someone to NOT have a funeral because of me. I wouldn't fucking go to that funeral in the first place!

Anyway, it was through this conversation that I learned about Derp face only knowing about my name change and I've been rolling my eyes ever since. Her family is batshit crazy IMO. And Jerry is the king of crazy. How can someone be so stupid as to get upset and refuse to see another person because of a name change? The whole time I thought it was because he was a homophobic bastard. I was giving him too much credit. Needless to say, I'm glad my sMom has such a wonderful and loving family and that they're all supporting me. My mom told me last weekend that I could always talk to her about anything on my mind, and that she loved and supported me. Maybe in her mind she is doing that, but when I look at Liz, and Dad and Kayla, I see what REAL love and support look like.

Out With The Old & In With The New!

I've been typing up old journal entries from 2009 to 2011 on a second blog titled "Barely There: A Transgender Story". I wanted to share - I think mostly because I'm sick of keeping everything internal. You can probably see that by the extreme amount of angst and self hate in those entries. It's funny, but having come out and jump starting my HRT, I kind of forgot how miserable I was, because being open and honest and OUT has really made my life a bigger, brighter and better place. So many of my journal entries were soaked in angst, self-hate and choking resentment. I most definitely DON'T blame or hate anyone that I mentioned in them, even if it sounds like it - most especially my closest friends. I think, having stayed in my head for so long, I began to feel bitter towards the people closest to me - as if to say, "Why haven't you noticed how miserable I am?" But I should have known then, that it wasn't their fault. I was the one who kept this all to myself. They had no way of knowing, and it would have been awful if they had asked me before I was ready to come out.

Alright, having gotten THAT out of the way, I'm happy to say that I got my first shot of T today! On Valentines Day, no less! Here's my latest vlog entry where I talk about my shot, and the name changing process that I'm still barreling my way through.

I hope you all have as fantastic a day as I'm having!

- Finn

Vlog 4: "Happy T Day! My 1st Shot!"