I've been typing up old journal entries from 2009 to 2011 on a second blog titled "Barely There: A Transgender Story". I wanted to share - I think mostly because I'm sick of keeping everything internal. You can probably see that by the extreme amount of angst and self hate in those entries. It's funny, but having come out and jump starting my HRT, I kind of forgot how miserable I was, because being open and honest and OUT has really made my life a bigger, brighter and better place. So many of my journal entries were soaked in angst, self-hate and choking resentment. I most definitely DON'T blame or hate anyone that I mentioned in them, even if it sounds like it - most especially my closest friends. I think, having stayed in my head for so long, I began to feel bitter towards the people closest to me - as if to say, "Why haven't you noticed how miserable I am?" But I should have known then, that it wasn't their fault. I was the one who kept this all to myself. They had no way of knowing, and it would have been awful if they had asked me before I was ready to come out.
Alright, having gotten THAT out of the way, I'm happy to say that I got my first shot of T today! On Valentines Day, no less! Here's my latest vlog entry where I talk about my shot, and the name changing process that I'm still barreling my way through.
I hope you all have as fantastic a day as I'm having!
- Finn
Vlog 4: "Happy T Day! My 1st Shot!"
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